The World I Wished For
by A. Amishi
Summary: This is a post ThirdImpact epic that will span not just years but generations into the future.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: All elements of Neon Genesis Evangelion are the property of Gainax and ADV. I do not own, nor do I claim to own any part of it. This story is intended for the FREE enjoyment of Eva fanfiction readers everywhere. I do not profit financially in any way shape or form by this.

Description: Eva, the make your own ending story, is about to enter uncharted territory. This is a post Third-Impact epic that will span not just years, but generations into the future. The main protagonists are Shinji, Rei, Asuka and Kaworu. This story has drama, action/adventure, suspense, and romance all in one. While pairings will change during the course of the story, at its heart it will be a S/R and A/K fic. I hope this is enough to peak your interest; I don't want to reveal any more. I'd rather you read it and see if you enjoy it.

Acknowledgements: A big thanks to Datexan, my pre-reader. Even while under the weather, he still does the job for me. Thanks Tex. I'd like to thank the kind folks on Rei-Shinji.cjb.net forum for their support and kind words. I'd also like to thank all my Escaflowne fanfic-readers, who fill me with courage and confidence. You guys are the best. ^_^ I'd also like to thanks Janice, my newest beta-reader who has re-edited this story for me and has done a simply wonderful job with everything she's touched, for me. Thanks Janice. ^_^

Evangelion: The World I Wished For

Chapter 1: The process begins

---

Shinji opened his eyes and stared at the crimson sky. Silence, complete silence, was what he first perceived. Silence along with a deep sense of loneliness.

"I'm alone, all alone… again."

Lying on his back, he continued to look up at the sky. The sea of LCL was completely still. The only sound he could hear was the sound of his own respiration. 

"I stopped Third-Impact for this? I'm such a fool."

As time passed, Shinji realized that it was getting neither darker nor brighter. In fact, the sun was not visible in the sky at all. Neither were the stars or the moon. The same dim, overcast hue had hung in the sky since he first stepped out of the sea of LCL. Because of this, he had no perception of time.

"How long have I been lying here: minutes, hours, days? I have no idea."

He blinked slowly.

"Is this really the world I wished for? Rei, why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you make me go ahead with Third-Impact? It's not what I wanted, but it would have been better than this."

Tears began to roll from the corners of his eyes, back into his hair.

"Why Rei? Why?"

A glimmer of light from the corner of his eye caught his attention. He slowly turned his head, and in the distance, seemingly standing on the LCL, was Rei Ayanami. Dressed in her school uniform, she looked the same as she did when he saw her the first time he had arrived at Tokyo 3. But had he actually seen her then? He blinked and she was gone. Did he actually see her now?

"Are my eyes playing tricks on me, or am I going insane?"

He turned his gaze back to the sky. As time passed, he fell asleep several times. When he woke, he simply continued to stare at the sky.

"Still no change."

He rationalized that days must have passed by now, or at least he hoped they had. He hoped that thirst or starvation would eventually overtake him, but neither ever came.

"Why? Why?"

He fell back to sleep once again, and in the recesses of his subconscious he heard an answer….

"Because you refuse to make up your mind." An answer came in the soft gentle whisper of a voice deep inside his mind.

"Rei! Is that you? What do you mean, I refuse to make up my mind?"

"As I said, you have not decided what world you wish to exist in. You have not decided what it is you truly want."

"Is that why I'm still here, all alone?"

"Yes." She whispered.

"But I did decide. I wanted the world I came from. I want my old world back."

"Are you sure? Were you happy in that world? Were you loved in that world? Did you have a sense of belonging, a sense of peace?"

"No, I had none of those things."

"And still, that is the world you wish to return to?"

"No, no it isn't."

"So what **do **you wish for?"

"I don't know." He answered sadly.

"That is why you are here… alone."

Shinji remained silent for a long period of time.

"What must I do to end this loneliness?"

"Decide."

"Decide?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand." In his mind's eye he looked at her with a sense of confusion.

"Decide what it is you truly want."

"But I don't know what I want."

"Yes, you do. You just do not believe you deserve to have it."

"I don't! I don't deserve to be loved! I don't deserve to be happy! I don't deserve a family and friends." He wept. "I don't deserve anything," he whispered between the tears.

"Why?" Rei asked innocently.

"What?" Responding not because he didn't hear the question, but because it surprised him so. He thought the reasons were self-evident. They were to him at least.

"Why do you feel you are unworthy of such things?"

"Be…because I'm dishonest, and sneaky. I'm a liar and a cheat. I'm weak and a coward, and a pervert too. I don't deserve to live." He cried bitterly.

"Yet, here you are."

"I know…" He whispered. "I wish I were dead."

"No, you don't." Rei replied knowingly.

Shinji looked up, surprise written all over his face, then realization dawned. "You're right. I'm too much of a coward to want to die." He hung his head again. 

"So what is it you truly want?" The blue-haired angel asked again.

"I… I want… to be able to do those things. I want… to be able… to love. I want… to be able… to bring happiness, not pain to others. I want to be able to… to bring about peace and friendship."

"Why?"

"Because… because when I can do that for others, then… then maybe I'll finally feel as if I deserve these things in return. But now all I bring is pain and sadness and suffering to everyone around me."

"So what you seek is not so much to change the world around you, but rather to change you in your world."

"Yes! I mean, no. I don't want love and peace for myself in a world of suffering and pain." Shinji jerked up. "What I want for me, I want for everyone. That is what I want! Is it possible? Can it really be made to happen?"

"That is entirely up to you, Ikari. Life is not an event, it is a process, and the person you become is determined by how you learn and grow during that process. That is also true for everyone else. All that we can do is help the events in your life direct you to your desired goal. It will be your choice whether you pursue that goal or not." She answered.

"I… I don't understand Ayanami. I don't understand what you're telling me."

"Do not worry Ikari, you will. Now, rest. Let your mind be free. When you awaken, things will be different. Trust me." Rei gave the smallest hint of a smile.

This seemed to reassure Shinji as his subconscious slowly drifted into the darkness of a deep restful sleep.

~~~~~~~~

AN: Sorry the first chapter is so short, but this is only the setup. The following chapters will definitely be longer. I hope I've peaked your interest. Please let me know if I have by reviewing this chapter. I look forward to reading your comments. Oh, and yes, Asuka was missing. That was entirely intentional. But not to worry Asuka fans, she will be making an appearance soon enough.

A. Amishi


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Evangelion: The World I Wished For

Chapter 2: Life, a Start Over

As the morning sunlight showered over him, Shinji slowly opened his eyes. Momentary confusion clouded his mind.

__

'The crimson skies are gone… wait, I'm not outdoors at all. I'm staring at a ceiling, my ceiling!' He turned his head, _'I'm in my room. How can that be? This whole area was destroyed during the attack. But, here it is.'_

He slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position and swung his feet off his bed; he sat there looking around his room. Everything was exactly as it was the last time he was in here. 

"But how?"

He lifted his head as he heard movement outside of his room. Slowly, he stood up and walked over to the door.

"It can't be. They're both dead. How is it possible?"

Gradually, he slid open the door.

__

'Oh My God!' He screamed in his mind.

There was Misato setting the table, dressed in a pale blue tank top with nothing on underneath it and a pare of undersized too short dark-blue shorts. She had a smile on her face and was humming some tone Shinji didn't recognize off hand, but after watching her for a few moments longer, he noticed something about her smile. It seemed forced, almost melancholy.

As she made her way around the table, placing settings for three, she caught sight of a pair of feet out of the corner of her eye. She looked up.

"Shinji!" She said happily. "Up already? I hope I didn't wake you."

__

'It's her… It's really her.'

He didn't respond to her inquiry. Instead, he walked over to her with purpose in his step and threw his arms around her waist, burying his face into her chest. He managed to whisper out "I'm so happy to see you. I can't believe you're really here."

Taken by surprise by Shinji's actions, Misato took a couple seconds to recover and return his embrace. With one arm around his shoulders and the other hand in his hair, she tilted her head forward to caress her cheek against the top of his head.

Smiling she said, "I'm happy to see you too Shinji, but where exactly would I be if not here?"

He pulled back slightly and looked up into her eyes. "I thought you were dead when I heard the explosion. I feared the worst had happened to you."

The boy's guardian wrinkled her brow. "Explosion? Shinji, what on earth are you talking about?"

"At NERV, when the JSSDF attacked. You were shot." Remembering the bullet she took in the side, he immediately let go of her and backed away a step. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" He looked down at her side for signs of injury, but there were none.

"JSSDF attack? Bullet in my side? Shinji, it sounds like you've been having a nightmare." She gave him a crooked smile.

"You mean NERV isn't destroyed? Everyone's alive? Asuka's alive!" 

"Of course Asuka's alive, silly." She gave him a broad smile.

Excitement was about to overwhelm him. "Is she still in the hospital? Can I go see her?"

As if on queue, the door to Asuka's room came flying open. "Hospital! What on earth would I be doing at the hospital?"

"Asuka!" Shinji ran over to her and threw his arms around her, burying his face into her shoulder while he desperately tried to fight back the tears. "Thank God you're alive!"

After the initial shock of being hugged by the third child, the redhead allowed a faint smile to creep across her face as her eyes began to water. After a few seconds had passed, she reached up with her hand and not so lightly smacked the boy in the back of the head.

"Okay idiot, that's enough. If you want to grope someone, grope your little girlfriend."

Shinji backed away, bowing apologetically. "Sorry, I was just glad to…" He did a double take. "My what?"

But by now Asuka had lost interest in him and was more interested in eating. "So Misato, what's for breakfast? Please tell me you got carry-out?"

"Hehehe." Misato laughed softly. "Sorry, you're just going to have to settle for my cooking." She smiled.

"God help my stomach." The second child mumbled.

"Hey, if you don't like my cooking, don't eat it!" The Major shouted.

"Hehe, just joking. Beside, anything's good if I don't have to make it myself." A faint look of sadness appeared on her face as she glanced over at Shinji, who was still trying to figure out what she meant by her earlier comment. And just as quickly, the look was gone.

"Well, let's sit down and eat." Misato said, as she went to the kitchen and retrieved a pot of rice, along with a pan of something that looked to be a combination of eggs, some kind of fish, and something resembling some sort of vegetable.

Asuka and Shinji sat across from each other with Misato at the head of the table. The two pilots looked at the food, then up at each other. Their faces mirroring the same look of nausea, they then looked over at the major, who was busy serving herself from the pan. 

Slowly, Shinji reached for the serving spoon in the rice pot. He carefully skimmed off the top, taking special care not to dig more than half way down the pot. Asuka held up her plate as Shinji placed a modest sized scoop on it. She set her plate down and reached for the frying pan.

"Don't you want more?" Shinji asked.

The second child looked at him, eyebrow raised. That was all the information he needed. He bowed his head in apology and served himself. Asuka was just as modest in serving herself Misato's egg concoction, and Shinji followed suit. They ate in silence, which was just fine for Shinji, who was still trying to sort out what was going on. He stole a glance at both Misato and Asuka.

__

'It's as if Third Impact and the events leading up to it never happened. But how can that be? Am I the only one who knows what really happened?' He pondered.

He stole another look at Asuka, who was now carrying on a conversation with their guardian.

__

'But it's more then just that… Asuka seems like her old self. Before her battle with the 15th angel… even well before then. How can that be?'

"Shinji, you've hardly touched your food. Aren't you hungry?" The older woman with the dark purple hair asked.

"What?" He blinked wide-eyed at her.

"How typical. Lost in his own world, as usual. How you're going to manage without us around is beyond me." The redhead taunted.

"Without you around?" He looked at one, then the other. "Where are you guys going?" 

Confusion was clearly etched upon his face.

For several moments they just stared back at him. The look upon their faces unnerved him even more. "What? What did I say?" He inquired.

"Where are WE going? What? Are you stupid? You don't even remember?" The second child berated him.

"Remember what?" His expression revealed a look of total confusion.

"We're not the ones moving Shinji, you are." Misato informed him.

"What? Since when?" He asked in utter shock.

"Idiot! Can't you even remember last week?" Asuka got up and deposited her plate in the kitchen sink.

Their guardian giggled. "Since last week of course."

__

'I'm moving? But why? And where to?' He hesitated asking these questions, since it seemed obvious that to his roommates, life in this world had continued uninterrupted; no attack by the JSSDF, no attack by the Eva series, and no Third Impact. _'I'm the only one who's out of place here, but why? For what purpose was I left with the memories of how things really happened?'_

Seeing the confusion etched across her young ward's face, Misato continued. "I suppose the events of this past week have been kind of hard on you. It's only natural you might let some things slip your mind."

"Natural if you're an idiot like Shinji." Asuka said as she walked past the table on her way to the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower now."

Misato glared at her retreating figure, then returned her attention back to Shinji. "Don't you remember? After Rei destroyed the 15th Angel and Unit-00 and was presumed dead, your father asked you to move back in with him. You said he mentioned something about life being too short to waste over old feelings of resentment and fear. You two took Rei's death pretty hard. For awhile I thought both of you were going to sink into a deep depression. Thank god Ayanami managed to survive the blast."

__

'She doesn't know.' He reasoned, but then. _'Wait a minute.'_ He spoke, "Fifteenth Angel? You mean the sixteenth, don't you?"

Misato chuckled. "My, you really were out of it last week. The Angel Rei destroyed was the fifteenth Angel. We're still waiting for the sixteenth and seventeenth Angels."

__

'The fifteenth Angel? Still two angels left? How can that be? This doesn't make any sense.' He placed his hands on the sides of his head and rested his elbows on the table as he tried desperately to understand it all.

Watching Shinji in such intense thought caused worry lines to creep across Misato's forehead. "Maybe the events of last week affected you even more than you thought. Maybe it would be a good idea if I scheduled an appointment for you with a NERV psychiatrist." 

"NO! No, that won't be necessary. I'm fine, really. It's just like you said. The events of last week and … mmooving in with my father… it's just got me all a little overwhelmed, that's all." He grinned and scratched the back of his head. He had hundreds of other questions he wanted to ask, but he knew Misato was not the one to answer them. _'Any questions and she's likely to have me committed.'_

So instead he ate in silence, and tried to act as if everything around him was as he would expect it to be.

__

'So, I'm moving in with my father today. My God, what kind of twisted reality is this? I'm moving out of the kitchen and into the fire. And the way Misato described Rei's… recovery. It's as if she still doesn't know Rei is a clone. She thinks Rei is a normal human being.' A faint smile crossed his face, _'Could it be that in this reality, she really is just a normal girl?' _He glanced up at Misato who was busy finishing her beer, then wiped the happy expression off his face. He didn't want her asking him any questions about what he was thinking.

After breakfast Shinji showered and changed, then began packing his belongings. Misato had brought some boxes from NERV for Shinji to pack with. She said she'd love to stay and help, but she was needed at work. Shinji accepted her excuse with a hint of sarcasm.

"Now don't be a stranger, okay." She said with a smile as she walked out the door, throwing her young ward a wink as she left.

"Hey, Asuka, do you think you can give me a hand with this? Please." He asked sheepishly.

She looked up from the sofa she was sitting on, reading a magazine, and glared at him, saying, "Yeah, sure." Then she went back to reading her magazine.

"Please, Asuka." He pleaded.

She slapped the periodical down on her lap. "Aaaah!" She let out a sigh and looked at the clock. "When are your stooge friends coming to help you?" 

"Friends?" The pilot of Eva Unit-01 whispered to himself. _'Friends!' _He realized. "You mean Touji's not in the hospital anymore?" He didn't bother to hide his excitement.

"Hospital? When did that big oaf do anything to hurt himself?" The redhead gave her soon to be former-roommate a confused expression.

__

'I can't believe Asuka doesn't remember what happened with the thirteenth Angel and how Touji…' When it dawned on him. _'What if…'_ And he asked, "Umm, Asuka, could you refresh my memory."

She put her magazine down again and stared at him, frustration clearly evident on her face.

"Who is the … forth child?" He asked timidly.

The mere reference to the forth child brought a faint smile to her face, but when she noticed Shinji's reaction she steeled her countenance and stood up. "Your stupid amnesia act may get you some sympathy from Misato, but not from me.' She walked to her room. "Hurry up and leave already. I've got plans for your room." And she slammed her door shut.

"What did I say?" He whispered to himself as he shook his head and went back to his packing.

A couple hours later, the doorbell rang. The male pilot walked over and opened it. Based on Asuka's earlier comments, he was pretty sure that Touji was not the forth child and therefore was unharmed, but he was still overjoyed when he saw his friend standing outside the door, in one piece.

"Touji! I'm so glad to see you!" He took his friend's left hand into his and shook it vigorously, looking his friend over just to make sure he was really all right.

The taller boy looked at Shinji as if he had lost his mind as he tried to pry his hand out of the young pilot's grasp. "Yeah, good to see you again. How long has it been? Oh yeah, YESTERDAY!" He snapped sarcastically, finally wrenching his hand free. "What's with you man? You've been acting weird all week. I mean, I know you took what happened to Ayanami pretty hard, but honestly, get a grip."

Shinji's face turned red as he clasped his hands behind his back and looked away. "Ah, sorry."

"Forget about it." The taller boy said as he walked passed him and toward the kitchen.

"Hey, so what am I around here, chopped liver?" Kensuke asked, still standing at the door.

"Sorry Kensuke, come on in." He gestured for the spectacled boy to enter the apartment. 

As they casually made their way to Shinji's room, Touji not so casually asked, "So… where is Misato today? Still changing?" He was barely able to keep from drooling as he said it. 

Shinji rolled his eyes. "No, she's already at work."

"Oh yeah, either of you want something to drink?" The taller boy asked as he held the refrigerator door open. 

"Ya know Touji, it's customary for the host to offer his guests a drink, not the other way around." The fair-haired boy scolded.

"That's all right Kensuke." Turning toward his other friend, he added. "No thanks, I'm all right."

"What about you? Last chance." The taller boy waved a can of pop around a little in order to entice his friend. 

"Nah, I'm fine. Let's just get this over with. Packing is never any fun." Replied Kensuke.

"Okay then, lets do it." Shinji led the way to his room. "Well, I could use a hand closing this box." He started shoving on it, trying to force it closed.

Kensuke gave Shinji a gentle shove to move him out of the way and opened the box. Looking inside, he shook his head in disbelief. "You know Shinji, for a guy who is such a neat freak you sure don't know how to pack a box. Haven't you ever packed before?"

"Well, not really. When I came here nine months ago I only had one suitcase and my cello." He explained.

"Well, first of all, you're going to need either packing tissue or newspaper to wrap these things up individually, otherwise they're sure to break. Then you want to make sure you don't over pack your boxes either." The spectacled boy stated as he started taking things out of the box his friend had already started with. "So, do you have any packing tissue?" He asked.

"I think there may have been some with the boxes. Let me check." Shinji walked out of the room and returned a moment later. "Is this enough?" He held up a large pile of packing tissue.

"Plenty." Kensuke took the pile from him and placed it on the bed, then started wrapping each item up individually and placing them back in the box.

Touji picked up one of the figures and looked it over carefully. It was a porcelain figure of an ancient temple. "Where did you get this stuff?"

Shinji turned to face the taller boy. "Misato gets me these things whenever she has to leave town on business." He answered.

"Misato gets you these?" 

"Yeah, I think she was trying to get me to decorate my room somewhat, but these things," he picked another similar figure up, "just make it difficult to dust. So I kept them stored away in the closet." 

"So do you think you'll put them out at your new place?" Touji continued to ask.

"I don't know. I don't know what my new place will look like. Maybe, maybe not." He handed the figure to Kensuke, who wrapped it up and placed it in the box.

"So why are you moving in with your dad again?" His tone made it obvious to Shinji that his friend was not pleased with this development.

"Well," The young pilot tried to think of a reasonable explanation, finally settling on, "I guess because he asked."

"What kind of answer is that?" The taller boy snapped.

Before Shinji could reply, Kensuke interrupted, "Quit it Touji. Stop being so selfish. Shinji's trying to work things out with his dad. You should be happy for him."

The young pilot gave his fair-haired friend a confused look, then shifted his gaze over to Touji. _'What is he talking about?'_

"I'm not being selfish!" The tall boy snapped, tossing the figure to Kensuke and turning around, showing his friends his back.

"Yes, you are." His insightful friend replied as he wrapped the figure and placed it in the box. "You're just upset because without Shinji living here anymore, you won't have an excuse to come visit Misato anymore."

The pilot smiled. _'Is that what's bugging Touji?' _He couldn't help but laugh.

"THAT'S NOT IT!" Touji yelled, catching his two friends by surprise. He turned to look at Shinji. "It's just…" He turned away again, "… it's just now that you'll be living with your dad… we won't be able to hang out like before."

The pilot shook his head. "Wh-why not?"

"Come on Shinji." Kensuke replied. "He may be your dad, but he's also the commander of NERV. And one scary S.O.B., no insult intended."

"None taken." The pilot thought about this for a minute. "I guess you're right." He said sadly, pausing to reflect. "Well, then I guess I'll just have to come visit you guys instead." He smiled.

"Yeah right." Touji responded sarcastically. "Like that's really going to happen with you living clear across town and your girlfriend along the way. I'm sure you'll find plenty of time for us."

__

'Again with the girlfriend. Who is my girlfriend?' But before he could ask, Kensuke said, "Today's just their first date. You can't exactly call her his girlfriend just yet."

Again before he could ask, Touji replied. "Come on. It's obvious they're made for each other. It'll only be a matter of time. Right Shinji?" He looked at his friend.

That stopped the words dead in his throat. _'Obvious. Man, what will they think if I ask them who my girlfriend is supposed to be? They'll think I'm the biggest jerk in the world, that's what.' _He just let a dumb grin cross his face, leaving it to his friends to interpret its meaning.

After a couple of hours and a lot of horsing around, they finally had Shinji all packed. Three boxes, a suitcase and his cello case stood in the hallway by the door. The three boys sat around the television watching a game show, occasionally busting into laughter over the outrageous things the contestants were asked to do. When the doorbell range, Shinji reluctantly pried himself away from the television to answer it.

"Hello, oh…" Shinji was startled by the three tall men in black suites and sunglasses.

"Shinji Ikari?" One asked.

"Yes?" He responded automatically.

"We are here to move you and your belongings." The agent said flatly.

"Oh, okay." He stepped away from the door. Pointing to the objects in the hallway. "Here are my belongings, and I'll be just a minute." He turned and walked down the hall, then quickly turned back. "Umm, is it all right if my friends come with me?" He asked timidly.

"If that is what you wish." The lead agent replied.

"Will you be able to take them home afterward?" He asked, emboldened by the agent's response.

"If that is what you wish." He repeated.

"Great. We'll be right back." He turned and ran down the hall. Entering the main room, he turned off the television.

"Hey, that guy was just about to carry two trays of manure up twenty flights of stairs!" They yelled in unison.

"Sorry, but it's time to go. You guys are coming with me, right?" He gave them a nervous smile.

"No way. Your father scares the shit out of me." Kensuke replied.

"Sorry dude, but Kensuke's right. Your dad is scary." Touji concurred.

"Well, at least drive there with me. Then you guys can go home." He pleaded.

"Well… I guess we can do that." Kensuke looked at his bolder friend.

"Yeah, we'll keep you company on the drive over." Touji confirmed. Then they both stood up and started for the door.

At that instant, Asuka's door opened, and the three boys stopped and stared at her. Their stares drew a scowl from her as she snapped, "You two stooges can just keep right on walking. I need to speak with Shinji."

"Waiting till now to declare your undying love for him, hey Asuka?" Kensuke teased.

"Why you little…" She rushed over to the sofa, grabbed the magazine she was reading earlier, and whipped it at him.

Expecting some form of retaliation, he quickly ducked the projectile, which sailed over his head and struck Touji in the throat.

"Gaaa!" The tall boy grabbed his neck then coughed.

"Ha ha, you got to be fast around Asuka, man." The spectacled boy teased his friend. With his back turned a book flew and struck him in the back of the head.  
  
"OUCH!" He grabbed the point of impact. "That hurt." 

"Get out of here or you'll be hurting a whole lot more." The fiery redhead warned.

"You guys should probably go downstairs and wait in the car." Shinji suggested.

"Okay, but don't take too long or we'll send up the agents, guns at the ready." Kensuke said as he and his friend retreated out of the apartment.

"Man, that hurt."

"At least you got it in the head. I got it in the throat."

"But yours was just a magazine, I got hit with a book."

"Man, one thing I'm not going to miss is seeing Asuka every time we go to see Shinji."

"Tell me about it."

"I heard that!" Asuka yelled in the direction of the door.

From outside the apartment came, "WE KNOW!"

With his friends gone, Shinji turned to Asuka and waited for her to say something. She stared back at him, then shifted her gaze to other items in the room that had suddenly become very interesting. Several very uncomfortable minutes passed before Shinji finally decided to speak.

"Well Asuka, I guess this is goodbye. Well, I guess not really goodbye. I mean, we'll still see each other at school and at NERV. But, you know, we won't be living together anymore is what I meant to say. Not that I didn't enjoy living here with you… and Misato. But I guess I need to give my father a chance… I guess, so…"

"Will you shut up already!" She yelled. "Sheesh! You just ramble on and on like a little old lady!"

Shinji bowed his head. "Sorry."

"There you go again, apologizing." She shook her head. "What she sees in you, I'll never know."

__

'Again with the girlfriend. Who is she?' 

"Well, I just wanted to tell you not to get any ideas about moving back, because I've got plans for your room." Her expression betrayed her stern words. "I'm finally going to have some room for all my stuff."

"Oh, okay." Shinji nodded.

"And don't get the idea that just because you're living with the commander now it somehow makes you better then me, because it doesn't."

"No ma'am." He bowed.

"I'm still the best pilot in the operation and don't you forget it." She boasted.

"Yes ma'am." He bowed again.

"Stop that!" She yelled her annoyance.

"Sorry." He bowed again.

"Aurrgh! At least you won't be around to drive me insane with your constant apologizing. You can drive her nuts for a change." 

Shinji didn't know how to respond to that comment, so he just stood there.

"Well you better get out of here before you do something stupid, like change your mind." She concluded.

He nodded and forced a weak smile. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Goodbye Asuka. I… I'll see you at school on Monday." With that he started to turn towards the door when suddenly he found himself being hugged by her, her arms around his neck, her face pressed against his cheek.

"Goodbye idiot." She whispered, then quickly pressed a kiss against his cheek and just as quickly released him and slapped him on the same cheek before rushing into her room and slamming the door shut.

Shinji considered going to her to see if she was all right, but just then one of the NERV agents appeared at the hallway.

"Sir, it's time to go." He announced.

Shinji nodded and followed the agent out the door, rubbing the sore spot on his cheek.

In her bedroom, Asuka squeezed her pillow tightly as she lay on her side. "Stupid Shinji. How can you be so selfish? How am I supposed to survive living with Misato by myself?" She buried her face in her pillow. "I don't need you, I don't need anyone."

When Shinji got in the limousine he found his friends watching television and enjoying a cold soda. They were laughing uncontrollably and spilling soda everywhere. Shinji just shook his head.

~~~~~~~~~~

AN: Well, I hope the wait was worth it. I hope all the spelling and grammar errors were caught. For those of you who think this is just going to turn into your run of the mill S/R story, boy do I have a surprise waiting for you. Please be patient and bear with me, I'm sure I'll make it worth your time. ^_~

I'd like to thank both max3000 and datexan for pre-reading this chapter for me. I really appreciate it guys. And a very special thanks to Janice my new pre-reader and a wonderful person and dear friend. Thanks Janice. ^_^

Please take a moment to review this chapter. I really appreciate your feedback. Thank you.

A. Amishi


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Evangelion: The World I Wished For

Chapter 3

Rei stood in the middle of her apartment. Dressed in her school uniform, she had bandages over her head and left eye, as well as her arms and legs. Her torso was also bandaged under her clothes. She looked around the apartment, feeling as if she should know this place, but at the same time it felt strangely alien to her. Looking around for a mirror but not seeing one, she walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the medicine cabinet mirror. The bandages on her head completely covered her forehead, and the bandage over her eye covered most of the left side of her face. She stared at her reflection for several minutes, studying her features, every line and curve of her face that was not concealed. She couldn't help but feel like she was staring at a stranger.

__

'I know I am Rei Ayanami, but… what am I?'

Slowly, she began to undo the bandages around her head. As she gradually reached the final layer, her skin and hair under the gauze became visible. Rei became visibly disturbed by what she saw. Her forehead was badly scared, obviously from third degree burns. Her hair was almost non-existent on the sides of her head, and most of the skin there was equally as scared. She looked at herself with shame and disgust as she discarded the bloody rages on the floor. After staring at her disfigured face and head for several minutes, she focused on the wrapping over her left eye. Gradually her respiration accelerated as she stared at the offensive covering, which concealed part of her face. Hesitantly at first, then with savage resolve, she tore at the wrapping, pulling it away from her face.

"Huuh!" She gasped at her reflection.

While her eye was still intact, half of her upper and lower eyelids were gone, exposing far more of the eyeball than was normal. Also missing was part of her cheekbone. It was apparent that skin had been grafted to cover the portion of her face that was now missing. Staring at her disfigurement, Rei began to hyperventilate as tears rolled down her right cheek.

"I am hideous. I would have rather died." She whispered.

"How very Lillum of you to say that."

Rei gasped as she spun around to see the owner of those words. 

"What are you doing here?" She said venomously, stepping out of the bathroom as she raised her hand to conceal her disfigurement.

"I was hoping you would be able to provide the answer to that, as well as other questions I had." He answered as he turned and walked out of the small hallway and into the living area.

"Why do you assume I have the answers you seek?" She replied, following him.

"You were the last person to speak with Ikari. You must know the nature of this reality, his goals and desires. And why we are here as well."

"We?"

"Don't tell me you don't know who you really are?"

"I am Rei Ayanami." She answered.

"Yes, you are, and what exactly are you, Rei Ayanami?"

"I am… I am…" She searched the recesses of her mind for the answer. "I was a soul, contained in a body created from Lillith and the remnants of the commander's deceased wife."

"And now?"

"I… I…" Her breathing became ragged as realization set in. "I am not human." She paused for a long time. "I am an angel. I am the 16th angel."

"And I am the 17th angel." Kaworu responded. 

"But I destroyed the 16th angel and myself. And Ikari destroyed you. The 3rd was there and saw you die." 

"Yet here we both are, angels in human form."

"This cannot be. If I am an angel, why am I disfigured so?"

"Angels can be injured and even killed. You should know that better than anyone. But come and see." Kaworu took Rei by the elbow and led her back into the bathroom where he pointed at the mirror.

After staring at herself for several minutes, she began to see it; very small, very subtle changes to the wounds on her face. She was healing at a remarkable rate. Fast enough that under careful observation, and focusing on a specific area, she could actually see scar tissue dry up and slowly flake away, leaving perfectly healthy tissue behind. She stared at her check and eye for the longest time, and while the process seemed to take forever, it was in reality remarkably fast. Her cheek slowly began to fill in, the grafted skin was gradually replaced with healthy natural skin, and her eyelids were regenerating right before her eyes.

"I AM an Angel." She whispered in disbelief.

"Welcome to the family." Kaworu joked, smiling widely.

"But how?"

"Think. I'm sure the memory will come to you." He assured her.

~~~

The drive to Shinji's new home took longer than he thought it would. While his friends continued to carry on as if driving in a limo was equivalent to a carnival ride, Shinji just sat quietly staring out the window. 

After a bit longer, he looked over at Touji and smiled. _'Touji is whole again… And so is Asuka… My father wants me to live with him… And I agreed… Misato doesn't know Rei is a clone… Or is she?… Perhaps not in this reality… Perhaps she is a normal girl… More like Asuka… or rather Hikari. Maybe she's still intelligent and strong… but… but more… approachable.'_ Shinji smiled to himself. _'I wonder… I wonder if … if my date is with…'_ He sighed. Desperate to find out who his date was with but not wanting to sound like a jerk by asking, he smiled wickedly when he thought of a way to get his friends to tell him who she was without coming out and asking directly.

"So guys…" He waited for them to settle down and give him their attention. "Where do you think I should take her on our first date?"

His two friends looked at him as if he had just grown a second head. He was not expecting this.

"What?"

"Man, I thought you said you had your date all planned out to the smallest detail days ago." Kensuke finally offered.

"I did…I-I mean I do, of course I do. Hahahaha" Shinji laughed weakly. _'Damn!'_

"Yeah, we even teased you about being so anal, don't you remember?" Touji added.

Shinji put on a big stupid grin, "oh yeah, hahaha." 

Kensuke shook his head, "Man Shinji, you sure have been acting weird these past few days."

"Give the guy a break." The taller boy said. "He's trying to reconcile with his father by moving in with him. A man he's hated for years. He thought the girl he's had it bad for, for months died last week, and now he's finally gotten the nerve to ask her out. Plus he's still on alert because there may still be more Angels out there waiting to attack. You'd be acting a little strange too if you were him." 

"I guess you're right." Kensuke admitted. "Sorry about that Shinji… Shinji?"

The young pilot stopped hearing the conversation the moment Touji said, **_'He thought the girl he's had it bad for, for months…'_** _'Rei? … It must be Rei Ayanami he was talking about. Who else have they teased me so mercilessly about?'_ A small but noticeable grin appeared upon his face as he was oblivious to his friend's apology.

"Forget about it." Touji said, "He's lost in his own world, probably thinking about her again." He turned his attention back to the television.

Kensuke nodded and did the same.

__

'Maybe this new reality isn't so bad after all.' Shinji thought as he stared out the car window again. This time feeling a whole lot better about everything.

~~~

Still unable to recall her final conversation with Shinji, Kaworu decided it was time to help his sibling. They sat in the middle of the floor facing each other, their legs crossed in front of them. Kaworu's right hand was under Rei's left hand and Rei's right hand under Kaworu's left one. Their eyes were closed as they went deeper and deeper into their collective subconscious. Slowly things began to come into focus. Rei saw herself being absorbed into Lillith, awakening her lifeless form. Rei's soul assuming control over the mother of all human life on earth. She felt her human DNA dissolving in the LCL that made up Lillith's blood. She saw her ascension up into the heavens, and saw the souls of all human life all over the planet being drawn to her. And she saw Ikari in Eva Unit 01 looking up at her, his face revealing the absolute terror he was feeling, seeing her like this. To ease his mind, she summoned Kaworu, whose presence seemed to put the Third Child at ease. She saw him reject the united humanity she offered him in favor of a world he hated and feared, and saw him lying on the shore staring up into the sky. She saw him turn his head and stare right at her. And finally saw him sitting in a dark place, where the only light present illuminated his dejected features. 

Then she heard…

__

"Is this really the world I wished for? Rei, why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you make me go ahead with Third-Impact? It's not what I wanted, but it would have been better than this."

"Why Rei? Why?"

…

"Because you refuse to make up your mind." 

"Rei! Is that you? What do you mean, I refuse to make up my mind?"

"As I said, you have not decided what world you wish to exist in. You have not decided what it is you truly want."

"Is that why I'm still here, all alone?"

"Yes."

"But I did decide. I wanted the world I came from. I want my old world back."

"Are you sure? Were you happy in that world? Were you loved in that world? Did you have a sense of belonging, a sense of peace?"

"No, I had none of those things."

"And still, that is the world you wish to return to?"

"No, no it isn't."

"So what do you wish for?"

"I don't know." 

"That is why you are here… alone."

"What must I do to end this loneliness?"

"Decide."

"Decide?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand." 

"Decide what it is you truly want."

"But I don't know what I want."

"Yes, you do. You just do not believe you deserve to have it."

"I don't! I don't deserve to be loved! I don't deserve to be happy! I don't deserve a family and friends. I don't deserve anything." 

"Why?" 

"What?" 

"Why do you feel you are unworthy of such things?"

"Be…because I'm dishonest, and sneaky. I'm a liar and a cheat. I'm weak and a coward, and a pervert too. I don't deserve to live." 

"Yet, here you are."

"I know… I wish I were dead."

"No, you do not." 

"You're right. I'm too much of a coward to want to die." 

"So what is it you truly want?" 

"I… I want… to be able to do those things. I want… to be able… to love. I want… to be able… to bring happiness, not pain to others. I want to be able to… to bring about peace and friendship."

"Why?"

"Because… because when I can do that for others, then… then maybe I'll finally feel as if I deserve these things in return. But now all I bring is pain and sadness and suffering to everyone around me."

"So what you seek is not so much to change the world around you, but rather to change you in your world."

"Yes! I mean, no. I don't want love and peace for myself in a world of suffering and pain. What I want for me, I want for everyone. That is what I want! Is it possible? Can it really be made to happen?"

"That is entirely up to you, Ikari. Life is not an event, it is a process and the person you become is determined by how you learn and grow during that process. That is also true for everyone else. All that we can do is help the events in your life direct you to your desired goal. It will be your choice whether you pursue that goal or not." 

"I… I don't understand Ayanami. I don't understand what you're telling me."

"Do not worry Ikari, you will. Now, rest. Let your mind be free. When you awaken, things will be different. Trust me."

Rei opened her eyes to find herself staring into Kaworu's eyes. He had shared her vision, and the same realization that occurred to her also occurred to him as well.

"He wishes to love…" He said.

"And to be loved…" She continued.

"He seeks a world of love…"

"And peace." She whispered.

"Yes"

"But that is what he would have had in the unification of humanity."

"But he wants it in this world."

"But this is not possible." She concluded.

"Perhaps it is." He grinned slyly.

"How?"

"I don't know, but perhaps that is why we are here. To facilitate in bringing about the world Ikari seeks." Kaworu replied as he rose from the floor.

"We?" A hint of confusion played across the First Child's face.

"Yes, you know what happened to you? You felt the change in your very being, did you not?"

"Yes, I did… but am I still…"

"Your soul is your own, only the vessel which carries it has changed." He explained.

Rei breathed a sigh of relief.

Kaworu smiled. Had he not heard her sigh, he would not have known that maintaining her identity meant so much to Rei, for her outward features gave no hint to that fact.

After a moment Rei asked, "So what now?"

Kaworu wrinkled his brow in contemplation. After a moment, he responded. "You do know the reality that the rest of the world knows is different from the reality we shared? To everyone else, third-impact never occurred; there are still two angels unaccounted for; and over a week has passed since you destroyed the 15th Angel."

Rei tried focusing her thoughts. She slowly stood up and turned toward her bed. "Yes, I seem to have a sense of these things, not so much a memory, but a feeling."

"And do you know what you are supposed to be doing today?" The Fourth Child asked with a wicked smirk as he took a step closer to her.

Rei closed her eyes and concentrated. "Ikari… I am spending time with Ikari." She opened her eyes. "Do we have a sync test today?"

Kaworu chuckled. "No, you have a date with Ikari today."

A hint of confusion passed over her face, but quickly vanished. "A date? Why?"

"Apparently he asked you, and apparently you accepted." He replied with a large toothy grin.

"But I cannot go on a date. I am disfigured." She turned away from him, suddenly self-conscious of her appearance.

"A tad vane, are we?" He chuckled.

Rei quickly turned and glared at him through narrowed eyes.

Unable to contain himself, Kaworu laughed even louder when faced with his sibling's glare. "Well, apparently your physical appearance did not diminish Shinji's desire to be with you in an informal capacity. And by the way, go look at yourself in the mirror." He gestured toward the bathroom with his head.

Rei continued to stare at him for a few seconds longer before slowly heading for the bathroom. What she saw in the mirror took her breath away. All her wounds were almost completely healed, and her hair had grown back to its customary length. The only visible imperfection was a small scar next to her eye and a slight dimple on her cheekbone. As she stared at herself both of these slowly disappeared. No hint of any physical damage now remained.

Slowly Rei looked from her reflection in the mirror down to her arms. Quickly, she started undoing the bandages. Much to her delight, her arms showed no signs of scaring at all. She then removed the bandages from her legs to find the same to be true there as well. 

"How is this possible? I estimated that my wounds would not completely heal for at least twenty hours." She said, looking up toward Kaworu in hopes of an answer.

He walked up to the azure-haired girl and patted her on the head. "Consider it a gift from one angel to another." She narrowed her eyes at him once again for his condescending gesture.

He grinned sheepishly and withdrew his hand from her head. "So… I suppose now that you are beautiful once again you should have no reservations regarding your impending date with Shinji." 

"I do not understand why dating Ikari is of such importance."

"Perhaps it is through you that he will learn how to love and be loved?" He speculated.

"What?" The First Child blinked long and hard.

Smirking, the Forth Child added, "Don't tell me you don't harbor any feelings for the Third Child?"

Rei considered how to answer his inquiry, finally setting on a noncommittal, "My feelings are my own." With that, she began to disrobe.

"What are you doing?" The tension was obvious in the 17th Angel's voice.

__

'Are you uncomfortable? Good. Serves you right.' She thought as she unbuttoned her blouse, saying, "If I am to accompany Ikari on a … a date, then I need to take a shower." With her blouse unbuttoned and her hand on the zipper of her skirt, she turned toward Kaworu and added, "You may leave at anytime now," as she proceeded to the shower.

With Rei's back to him, he curtsied with a wicked smirk on his face. "As you wish, Princess." And he headed for the door.

Through the silence of the small apartment, he was barely able to make out her reply.

"I heard that."

"Good! You were meant to!" He replied firmly. Pausing a moment, he continued. "By the way, I left something on your kitchen table. Consider it another gift… sister."

He listened for a moment to see if she would reply or even come to see what he was referring to, but instead the only sound he heard was the sound of water flowing from the showerhead and onto the tile floor. With that, he turned and exited the apartment.

~~~

As the limousine approached its destination, the boys turned off the TV and stared out the windows. The road leading up to the apartment complex was a picturesque garden path. A wide variety of trees, bushes, plants and flowers adorned the landscape in a perfectly symmetrical design. 

"WOW! This is amazing!" Kensuke marveled. "You could spend weeks, maybe even months, exploring these gardens and never see the same thing twice." 

"It's incredible." Shinji agreed.

"Yeah… I bet you can find lots of places in here away from watchful eyes." Touji grinned wickedly.

"What do you mean?" The Third Child asked innocently.

"Come on Shinji; don't tell us you haven't had fantasies about making out with Rei?" Kensuke asked, skeptical of his friend's act of innocence.

"Will you guys stop it! It's not like that!" The young pilot protested. _'But would I really mind if it were like that?'_

"Yeah, sure." Touji replied. "We'll see how long you can keep up the 'it's not like that' routine. I'm betting no more than a week."

"Don't forget Touji, this is Shinji we're talking about here. I'll bet it will take him more then a month." 

Shinji frowned as his two friends laughed at his expense. Before he could reply or they could tease him any more, the limo approached a ten-meter high rod-iron gate, intricately decorated and ominous in appearance. It was connected to an equally high rod-iron fence that encircled the entire complex. Next to the gate was a sign warning all trespassers that the gate and fence were electrified, and any contact could lead to serious injury or possibly even death.

"WOW!" They said in unison upon reading the sign.

The gate slowly opened and they proceeded inside. Another large garden covered the landscape inside the gate. This one was made up of mostly impeccably manicured lawns and geometrically shaped bushes with mid-sized evergreens lining the driveway. The path up to the apartment complex must have been over a mile long, and the closer they got to it, the more frightened Shinji became. 

__

'What ever made me think this was a good idea? I should have called my father and told him I changed my mind. It… It's still not too late… I can still tell him that… He'll understand… won't he? … Yeah, right.' He sighed. 

"So…" He gulped. "You guys are… are coming in with me, right?" He gave a nervous grin.

"Sorry man, you're on your own," an unnerved Touji replied. All Kensuke could do was nod in agreement with his larger friend.

"You guys are such chicken-shits." Shinji spat, hoping to coax Touji into coming with him by challenging his courage.

"And proud of it." Touji responded, not falling for his friend's ploy.

Shinji gave him a sarcastic grin, then looked back at the complex. It wasn't very tall at all, only about five stories, but it was quite wide and deep. Just as he was familiarizing himself with the exterior of the building, a loud low-flying noise soared past them.

"Holy Shit!" Kensuke yelled. "What was that?"

"A helicopter." Shinji observed, as it made a pass over the building before circling around and landing somewhere near the center of it.

"It has a helo-pad. How cool!" Touji yelled, mesmerized by the sight of the chopper landing on the apartment.

Shinji watched closely to see if he could make out who was coming or going. After a few minutes he saw several NERV security agents disembark from the craft, followed shortly thereafter by a tall gray-haired gentleman he was fairly certain was Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, who was closely followed by someone he could not mistake. 

"Father." He whispered as he watched the tall, dark-haired man in sunglasses and a dark suit speak briefly with his second-in-command then proceed to a door, disappearing behind it. The Sub-Commander remained upon the roof, talking to several subordinates.

__

'Did he fly out here just to meet me?' The idea both encouraged and frightened Shinji.

A minute later, the limo came to a stop in front of the apartment. Shinji turned to his friends one last time; his eyes pleading with them for their support. Touji suddenly found the carpeting very interesting, while Kensuke acted as if he wanted to say something but just could not find the words. Shinji sighed and got out of the car. Closing the door, he stood next to it until the agents retrieved his belongings from the trunk and began taking them inside. He stared up at the building in awe, not moving. The lead agent finally placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the boy to jump suddenly. "It's time, sir." He said matter-of-factly.

Shinji nodded and started to walk toward the entrance when the window to the limousine opened and he heard, "Hey Shinji!"

Turning around, he saw both Touji and Kensuke sticking their heads outside the window.

"Good luck." Touji said.

"Yeah, call us later. Let us know how things went and if you need us for anything." Kensuke added.

__

'I need you guys right now.' He wanted to say but instead he answered. "Sure. See you guys tomorrow at school." He turned to the lead agent. "Can you please take them home?" He asked meekly.

The agent nodded and gestured to the driver, who was standing next to the car waiting for instructions. The driver got back in and drove off.

Shinji watched the car drive away for a moment, then turned and continued inside, his hands sweaty and cold and his heart pounding in his chest, racing at twice its normal rate.

__

'Why am I doing this? I must be insane. How could I have possibly thought that moving in with my father could be a good thing?' As they walked through the entrance, Shinji's thoughts were interrupted by the sheer size of the place. As he looked left, then right, the first thing he noticed was, "Hmm, excuse me… but… how come there aren't any people around?"

The agent replied, "The tenants are… busy elsewhere." He glanced at the boy to see if he accepted the answer. He decided this was a good time to tell the boy a little bit about his new home. "To your right is a full service restaurant. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and provide room service as well. To the left is a fitness center, which comes equipped with a half a kilometer indoor track, a complete set of the most state of the art aerobic and anaerobic fitness machines, and a 100-meter pool in the lower level. A personal trainer and swimming instructor are available upon request." They continued to walk to the middle of the building where the elevators were. "Behind the restaurant is a game room. In there is a six lane bowling alley, six pool tables, six tables for table-tennis, an arcade, a bar along with a juice bar, and karaoke."

Shinji's fears were slowly melting away with each new thing the agent said. _'I've moved into a theme park. This is unbelievable.'_

"Again on the left is the theater with four screens. Requests for almost any film can be made as long as you provide six hours advance notice from the time you wish to see it."

__

'Wow! How can they do that? They must get requests all the time.' Shinji wondered as he scratched the back of his head.

When they reached the elevators, one was already open, waiting for them. They walked in and the door closed. Shinji's excitement was immediately replaced with nervous tension once again. The ride was short up to the fifth floor, but long enough for Shinji's heart to begin racing. 

As the elevator door opened, Shinji and the agent stepped out, turned right, and walked down the hallway. The hallway was cross-shaped with five apartments down each intersection. They walked to the intersection, then turned left and walked down to the last door on the right, passing the other agents who had taken Shinji's belongings ahead of them. 

"This is your new home, sir." The agent said.

"Hmm, well… thank you." The boy replied sheepishly, avoiding eye contact with the man.

"I was just doing my job sir. You should go in now. The commander, your father, is waiting." With that the agent turned and left the boy standing next to the door.

After watching the agent leave, Shinji slowly turned toward the door and stared down at the knob. _'What am I doing here? Why am I doing this? Could my father really have changed that much in this world as opposed to the last?' _He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. As he let the breath out, he opened his eyes, still staring at the knob. "Well, I guess there is only one way to find out. No point in running away now. I have no place to run to." 

Having made up his mind, he reached out and took the handle into his right hand, turning it slowly and opening the door, not just to his new home but also to his new life.

~~~~~~~~~~

AN: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, work has been a real headache recently. Though I have to say, I am grateful simply to have a job during these hard economic times. I had hoped to go further into the story than I did with chapter 3, but this turned out to be a good stopping point. Now some of you may be thinking after reading this chapter, "Hey, I thought this was going to be something different. You have Shinji and Rei dating right off the bat. What's with that? What's so original about that?" All I can say in response is please be patient. ^_^

I hope you've enjoyed this chapter as much or more than you did the first two, and I will try to get the next chapter up sooner then I got this one posted.

I'd once again like to thanks my wonderful new pre-reader, Janice, who continues to do a great job in editing all my works. Thanks Janice. ^_^

Again, thank you for all your reviews and support. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter as well.

A. Amishi


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: See Prologue.

Evangelion: The World He Wished For

Chapter 4

Stepping into the room, the first thing that struck Shinji was how small the place was. While it was larger than Misato's apartment, it wasn't nearly as large a place as he imagined his father living in. The second thing he noticed was the solitary figure in black standing by the window panels that made up the far wall and went from floor to ceiling.

'_Father.'_ Shinji's palms instantly went cold and clammy as beads of sweat formed across his forehead.

"Are you going to stand there all day? I'm a busy man. I don't have time for childish indecision." The man snapped in a commanding tone.

Shinji jumped. "Sorry, Father." He sighed sadly as he slipped off his shoes and slowly walked over to the man. Stopping next to him, Shinji looked out the window to see what his father found so interesting. Below was large flower garden with several walking paths etched out for convenience. Seeing the wide assortment of flowers brought a smile to the young teen's face.

"I'm glad you decided to come," Gendo spoke.

Hearing his father's words snapped Shinji out of his muse. "Aaa… Father?"

"Yes?" was the man's only reply.

Suddenly, Shinji's mind was a blank. There were so many questions he had for his father, yet at this very instant all of them escaped him. Finally, he blurted out, "What is this place?"

"This facility was built shortly after Second Impact. With the threat of war eminent at the time, it was decided that a place away from the capital was needed for key government and military personnel. Yet still close enough to allow for communications via currier if all other forms of communications were disrupted. With the threat of conventional war no longer an issue at least for us here in Japan, this facility fell into disuse. Now with the attack of the Angels, key NERV personnel have been given permission to use this facility," Gendo explained.

"Wouldn't Misato… I mean Major Katsuragi be considered key personnel?" The boy asked but Gendo provided no response.

Turning suddenly, Gendo walked to the first door to his right. Shinji quickly followed. Opening the door, Gendo stepped in and said, "This is your bedroom." The room consisted of a twin-size bed, a dresser and a desk with a chair, no other furnishings of any kind. "Contact the concierge if you need anything else."

Shinji stood in the middle of the small room looking wall to wall. _'Hmm… not much bigger than my room at Misato's.'_

When Gendo turned and walked out the room, Shinji followed suit, grabbing the doorknob to close the door, he looked down and noticed, _'A lock. Well, that's nice.'_ Then he pulled the door close. Seeing his father already entering the next room, he rushed to catch up. This room was a little smaller than his bedroom and had a desk against the far wall with computer on it, a small sofa against the side wall and a modest entertainment center against the opposite wall.

"This is your room as well. Use it to study, to entertain yourself or your friends, whatever. Just keep the noise down and you won't hear from me," Gendo explained.

"Yes sir." the boy replied automatically.

Turning to face his son, the man said, "I will respect your privacy, I expect you to respect mine."

"Yes sir."

"I have to return to NERV." Gendo started heading for the door when he stopped suddenly. Not taking the time to face his son, he simply said, "I'm glad you've decided to move in Shinji. I'm not like other fathers. I suppose I never will be, but it is my hope that in time, we can come to… understand each other."

"I-I'd like that, father," Shinji replied nervously.

The older man gave a slight nod then walked out of the room and headed for the main door.

"Oh, father?" Shinji rushed out of the room.

"Yes."

"Aaa… well, you see… I have this date… you see…" he stammered.

"Yes, with Rei, what about it?" Gendo replied.

"Oh, well… I was wondering if… see, I've never been on a date, so I don't really know…" Tired of his son's ramblings, Gendo pulled out his cellphone, hit speed dial and spoke, "Arrange for the standard evening out for my son." He paused and listened for a moment. "Yes… yes… fine." Returning the phone to his pocket he addressed the boy, "Your evening has been arranged." With that, Gendo walked out the door without another word.

Shinji stared at the door as it closed on its own and jumped slightly as it clicked shut. "Th-thank you, father," he whispered.

---

Rei stepped out of her bathroom wearing only a towel, which she was using to dry her hair. She walked over to her dresser and opened the top drawer, pulled out a bra and a pair of panties, and then walked over to her bed. Tossing the towel on the bed, she grabbed the panties and held them out in front of herself with both hands. She stared at the delicate fabric, then glanced over at the bra for a moment.

Rei turned and walked back over to her dresser and pulled open the top drawer again. She stared down into the drawer. "They are all the same. All of my underwear are exactly the same."

She closed the top drawer and opened the middle drawer. This drawer was filled with black socks. "They are all the same as well."

Rei pushed it closed and opened the bottom drawer, which was empty. After closing the bottom drawer, she walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge.

'_Why are they all the same? It would suggest that they serve no purpose other than their functional application. But if this were entirely true, than this would be the only version available of these garments, would it not? But I know this is not the case. I have seen the girls at school in the gymnasium locker room, and I have seen Pilot Sohryu, __**Asuka **_

_**Langley Sohryu**__, when we have changed into our plug suits at NERV. I do not recall ever seeing her in the same type of underwear twice. Do I only have the one type because they serve no other function to me?' _

She stared at the panties for a long time before she came to a conclusion, _'The person I was, was…quite dull. I am still me, but… I think… I will… need to go shopping tomorrow.'_

She shook her head to clear her mind of such thoughts and proceeded to slip her panties on as she stood back up. Picking up her bra, she put it on as well, then headed for the kitchen. _'So what is this gift, Pilot Kaworu_ _spoke of?'_

Seeing the box sitting on the small kitchen table, she walked up to it and stared at it for several minutes. Slowly, she lifted her hand and ran it over the top of it. It was a large, rectangular box but its outer appearance gave no hint of its contents. There was no writing or markings on it of any kind. Eventually, she raised her other hand, grabbed the lid by its sides and lifted it off.

Looking inside she saw some type of garment with orchids printed on it in different shades of blue over a dark navy blue background, and a note sitting on top of it. Rei set the lid aside and picked up the note. Opening is she began to read it:

_Dearest Rei-chan, _

_In anticipation of your date with Ikari-kun, I purchased for you this article of clothing. It is a traditional Japanese Kimono. I have been told, or so I think I have been told, it may just be a false memory, that such attire is coming back in fashion here in Japan. Don't ask me how I knew to purchase it for you, since at the time I didn't know you would be going on a date. I do not know the answer._

_Instructions on how to properly wear a Kimono can be found under the obi. I hope you enjoy your evening with Ikari-kun and I'll be by later to talk with you some more._

_Your loving brother,_

_Kaworu_

Rei narrowed her eyes ever so slightly, "Rei-chan." Closing the note, she set it on the table. Looking back at the box, she ran her hand over the material, "Hmm, soft…" A faint smile appeared on her face as she picked up the box and carried it to her bed.

---

Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki waited patiently on the roof of the building, the helicopter's engines remained hot and ready to take off in a moments notice. The door to the roof opened and the commander of NERV headed directly to the chopper. His second in command fell into step instantly.

"All went well, I presume?" the older man inquired.

"You may presume all you wish," the commander responded.

A dry smirk crossed Fuyutsuki's face.

"Have the footage of the last three battles ready to view upon our return as well as the Dead Sea Scrolls, the originals, not the copies," Gendo commanded.

"Something wrong?" Kouzou gave his boss a puzzled look.

"Something is not right."

"What do you mean?" Kouzou asked as they boarded the helicopter.

"Do you recall the battle with the thirteenth angel?" Gendo inquired.

"Of course, that was the first battle in which Unit Three participated. Zeruel rendered Units Zero and Two inoperable. Pilot's Ikari and Kaworu coordinated their efforts and alternated their attacks to keep the angel off balance. Both pilots pierced the angel's S2 organ simultaneously from front and behind," the sub-commander sumerized.

"Are you sure?" the commander countered. One of the two agents accompanying the commander secured the helicopter door closed and signaled the pilot that it was now safe to leave.

"Of course I'm sure," Kouzou replied impatiently. "What are you getting at Gendo?"

"That's exactly how I remember the events of that operation occurring, except…"

"What? Except what?"

"Try to remember specific details of the operation," Gendo instructed.

"Like what?" Kouzou did his best to keep his tone even.

"Anything. What were you feeling as the operation commenced? What were Major Katsuragi's specific instructions during the battle? What went through your mind when you saw Units Zero and Two go down?" Gendo specified.

The sub-commander shook his head, not understanding the reason for his boss's insistence but he did as he was told. Concentrating deeply, Kouzou tried to remember precisely what he was thinking when the battle started. When nothing came to him, he tried to remember Katsuragi's actions as she coordinated the attack. Flashes of previous battles came to mind, but none when it came to the battle against the 13th angel. He tried to recall seeing Units 00 and 02 fall, but it was a fuzzy haze.

"You can't, can you." Gendo stated in a matter-of-fact, sort of way.

"What does this mean?"

"I'm not certain, but I believe what it means is, that Third Impact has already occurred."

"Already occurred. But how?"

Gendo pushed up his glasses up and looked out the window. "I don't know, but I intend to find out."

--- To Be Continue ---

AN: Well, it only took me three and a half years to update this story. Not too bad. P I sincerely hope the next chapter will come a whole lot sooner, but I make no promises. Unfortunately, I don't have the time I used to have to write, and I have so many incomplete stories I'm working on. Generally speaking, I write where ever my insperation takes me. This time around it was back to this story. Hopefully, it will stay here for awhile. I hope you like this chapter, but either way, please let me know what you think of it.

Thanks,

A. Amishi


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